Keith Koo Xingjian's Blog

My Confessions About RP Volleyball and Sorry That I Had Always Wanted To Say To My Friends...

This is going to be the last time I should be talking about RP Volleyball in my blog, so its gonna be a longer version then anyone else. I would confessing things that have been kept inside me for a long time and I have lots of apologies to say out which was not said.

Before I start, I would tell people who don't really know me well how I am actually like. My E3 good friends, My Rp closer friends and classmates, should know that I am a person that is straightforward, stubborn and realistic.

If I don't like something I will bitch about it, if I don't agree to someone's ideas I will pour cold water over it, and I am a person who don't restricts myself. I do things when I wants to, and people can hardly change my mind if my mind is set. I don't do things if I don't like and nobody can do anything about it. I am a very daring person, daring to do things that will so call "throw face".

What to prove what I say? Look at my facebook pictures... I dare to put cups in my shirt and act as bimbos to take pictures, I dare and like to dance para para in the arcade and getting passerby as audience, I dare to roll around in RP for no reasons to entertain my friends, and I dare to challenge things that I really scare of, which is height.

Lets get back to the topic, today I went back to RP to play volleyball with 1 volleyball graduate, Tengyi. Before we went back, I told tengyi that I was not expecting any change in the team, and as I expected, it was as usual. After the training, we went to mcdonales in yishun to chill out and I told him lots things that I have kept inside myself for a long time.

Thoughts That I Kept In Me For A Long Time
To be honest, I only enjoyed my 1st and 2nd year in RP volleyball. In the 3rd year it became a burden and has came to an extend to make me hate volleyball.

Why did I say so? In my 1st and 2nd year of my RP volleyball life, I know nothing about volleyball, but at that time, thankfully I had this coach, Kwan Thye who was willing to help me learn and improve. And even though in my 2nd year I was the QM of the team, which does all the so called "dirty jobs" while others didn't bother to do, but I was enjoying all the things that I was doing. The team was really fun at the point of time, people joke about me and we laugh... There were also seniors who trusted my skills and were patient enough to help me improve...
I really liked volleyball alot at the point of time, even though it cause me to missed lots of things in life but I never regretted. Everything was so smooth, that I actually tried picking up another IG with my friend gary. I tried to go for Canoeing team's training for a few times, but as time passed by, maybe for around 2 weeks, I realize that problems of training time was clashing and I was forced to make a choice to give up either 1. And obvious, I chose to stay in volleyball, even though I really enjoyed the Canoeing team's training and wanted to learn canoeing.

But things changed drastically since my 3rd year came... Out of no reasons I was promoted to Vice-captain of the team. And the reasons the coach gave me was that my attendence and attitude was better. Everyone was suprised the moment they heard that I was vice-captain, cauase no one expected it, even for myself. Everyone had a mind set that usually the ones who have better skills and can lead the players in competitions will be captains and vice-captains in the team. The reason that came to my mind the moment is that I was the vice-captian just because there was no other choices for him, and is not because I was capable to being 1. It really makes me feel sad, and incapable...

Without choices, I was a vice-captain and soon, year 1s came in and someone suggested a change in coach. This was when volleyball starts to becomes a nightmare to me. The new coach, to my observation, is more of a bias coach who is those that says that I will try to help everyone to improve, but his actions shows that he only focus on those that are better or has good factors. I don't mean that he is not a good coach, but to my standing he isn't much help to people like me.

I remembered he said this sentence to me before during 1 friendly match, and didn't gave me chance to play during the friendly match. In fact during the year 3 days I wasn't given much chance to play during friendly matches at all. He said this to me :" I want to give more chance to the year 1s to improve and gain more experience, so you don't mind I let them play hor?"
Doesn't this sentence hints to you he only needs his year 1 now? I am not needed here. And as soon as he becomes the coach of the team, he picked year 1s as new captains and vice-captains, getting ready to replace me and zhiping. And obviously, he picked 2 that are more skillful in the team.

From that point of time onwards, I had seldom recieve any comments or compliments from the coach on how to improve, in fact sometimes I find myself there to fill in the numbers and even at times hinderance to the whole team improvement. I feel dissapointed, and felt like a maid, just doing things for no motive. I realize that I had no improvements made at all during year 3. I have also never heard of this 1 very simple compliment that has always made me move on... "Keith, hao qui... Nice recieve, or nice save of the ball...." this were the things that really made me move on to improve and like to play volleyball as a team sport.

Worst of all that made me felt terrible, I wasn't able to communicate well with the team members, and even my captain zhiping at all. I just dunnoe why, I can't seems to communicate well with certain people, and they seems to be all from volleyball team. Zhiping and yenkai, after thinking back, seems that everytime I talked to you all is all about the volleyball team's matters, we didn't really talk cock chit chat alot... and as for the year 1s, I duno why I always kept so quiet, and have no topics to talk about to you guys.

I dun think is because of my personality because it seems that I was able to get along with every single one else around me, my secondary friends, my RP friends and my dragonboat friends... I can talk about anything freely as I want to...

I tried to help the team to improve in the discipline, other than doing what I usually do as a QM. I told that many times not to wear slippers to school, and be on time for trainings, but nobody really cares. Until we get ban again and again, they will learn their lesson. Be on time for training, again and again I have been saying, but until now it seems that training will always only starts when coach comes... If you have court booking for 4 hours and you have the passion to improve your skills, would you want to spend fully the 4 hours to train and improve, or only start changing after wasting 30mins and do warmup when the coach reaches the court? Maybe I have taken it too seriously, but I believe if you really want to improve, discipline like this is important.

It really took not long for me to have a mentality of quiting the team, but because of my stubboness and my passion for volleyball, I decided to stay back for this last year. And at this point of time, a chance came up to me and I picked up a new sport, Dragon boating.

Dragon Boating
It was a total different environment here in the Dragon boat team... I was the youngest in the team at that point of time, as the rest of the team members were all working adults. And it was the direct opposite of my volleyball team, where I was the oldest in the team. So the mentality wise in both sides were very different. I was well taken care of in the team and they were all very patient people to help me improve. They always gave encouragement to everyone and help whoever that needs improvement. I really enjoyed the environment and I have decided I wanted to stay in this team. I like those kind of encouragement gave when we do a team sport. I also like those jokes and gossips my team mate alway talk about and tell me their experience.

Apologies to my friends...
E3 Best Friends
SORRY SORRY SORRY, because of my stubboness and always want to improve, I chose to go for trainings and miss alot of the gatherings. But you guys know me for 8 years already, you know when my mind is set to do something I really like, I will put in all my effort and try to improve because I always wanna improve myself. You guys know at alot of times I will emo and have no confidence in myself, finding myself weak and useless, thats why I always want to do better that who I am now.

Special sorry to 1 of my E3 best friend: Dharfianto
I would say a special sorry for you, because I remember this the best... I missed your birthday bbq because I went to my volleyball training and when training ended it was very late so I din make it down to the bbq. I have always remembered this and I want to apologize to you. But out of everyone you noe my pattern best, so you should understand me.

My family
Sorry, I always injured myself here and there, letting you all worry about me so much... Sorry I was always lazy to do house chores and break my promises... Sorry I always spend more time on trainings and with friends than you all..

W25L Ohanas
Sorry, I alway insisted going for volleyball trainings while you guys have outings... Some of you guys know that I have always cried and emo about volleyball but yet gave me encouragement... Thank so much... I will remember the days of prata gang, the qian shou song, the so called" passion card " promotion picture made by tingyun, the days of dota, and the days calling shucheng slow... I can still remember the day shucheng tried hidding in the handicap toilet and yet got pulled out...

W25D
Of course I wun forget you all... I have also missed out quite alot with you all... Sorry... you guys went out for supper and lots of times I din join in... but thanks for all the memories, those days where we play captain ball, where we go out for lunch everyday together, those days where we can take picture everywhere, even on escalators, those days where we play volleyball at the class corridor and those days where we watch movies in class... I can still remember the laughters and darcy alway complaining and saying bad things about fat gals... Special thanks to darcy, you helped me to improve in my skills, and help me to take me first step to tell Kwan Thye I wanted to train to be Libero...

Wireless year 3 Gang
Sorry always pon school as usual and missing out time with you all... but I really enjoyed my days with you all like the others as well... Special sorry again to RAM, sorry for bothering you again and again, asking you the most annoying question :" Eh, should I go training anot har? I feel veri sian leh..."

Volleyball Team members
Sorry I was not a good vice-captain or not a very good QM that can handle everything. I hope you guys will really improve better and will enjoy your days in RP volleyball and RP studying... And I also remember sending out email scolding people already after the first training at CCAB, sorry bout that!
To: Sinhwee -- its your last year already, enjoy it ba, you understand what I saying rite!
To: Engseng & Sean -- I believe you all can do better den me, jiayou ba!
To: Gals team and Ivy -- Thank you for everything, nice knowing you all, and thanks Ivy for all the help when I am still vice-cap or QM...
To: Guys team and Huibin -- Enjoyed playing with you all, and enjoyed Huibin's lame jokes

RP Volleyball Graduates
To: Zhiping -- You were a really great captain! Thanks for everything...
To: Tengyi -- Haha, thanks for listening to me nag nag nag and listen what I really want to say...
To: Roy and Pengjie -- I enjoyed playing with you all most, will remember the 2men tag team! and thanks for trusting my backcourt skills even though it was not very good...
To: Yenkai -- You really helped me alot and I have learn alot from you... You were also a very good captain! Thanks for listening to things that I wish to comment about from time to time...
To: Alex & Wilson -- I would never forget my 2 buddy buddy! You were the ones that made me enjoy going trainings and gossiping and when training is tiring, with 2 of you talking to me really made everything better!

Tanglin Cairnhill Dragon boat team members
Thank you for all your teachings, encouragement and I enjoy what I am doing now. I have more confidence in myself after rowing dragonboat and learn alot more new things (stocks etc haha) . Special thanks to GuanHwee, because of your guidence and scoldings, our team was able to improve! Special thanks to Zhiwei, Chipsoon and guanhwee, for alway "tong pang" me!

2 Last Special Thanks to this 2 person...
To Tze-ing: Thanks for all the help for helping me when I was the QM and the Vice-captain, and sorry for giving you so much trouble always... you always help us solve problem and get courts, but we always give you problems like getting ban... and always take things for granted... so I would like to say a BIG THANK YOU to you!

To KwanThye: You were the person who made me really love volleyball and hope to learn more... Thanks for all your patience in guiding me and helping me to improve, and giving me so many chances to learn... You have always consulted me and helped me to improve and even kind enough to listen to what I say and allow me to request that I hope to be train as a Libero... THANK YOU VERY MUCH COACH!

Just in case, Thank you and Sorry to anyone important I have forgot!

I am not sure everyone will see what I have written to them, so if you see anyone noted in here please help me inform them to come take a look!

Thats all people! Those who know me know that I am a person that puts all my feelings on my face, I happy I smile, I not happy I sian sian face, I sad I cry, I angry also cry, I can even laugh until cry easily... and I have cried alot while writing this super long blog post, even though I dunoe the person I said thanks and sorry will be seeing this or not... Super paiseh... and I believe it will be the last time I will be crying because of RP Volleyball!

Finally release everything out...

"Sometimes putting in full effort doesn't means that you will be given the chance to improve and learn, other factors such and experience and age might be the hinderence to you...
But if you never try, you will never learn and improve, and never know what the outcome will be...
So those who are given the chances please cherish it, like what I do, before it is given to someone else..."
--- Quoted By Keith Koo Xingjian