Keith Koo Xingjian's Blog

If you were to ask me wad have i done today, I will tell you that once the coach came, I have only pick balls and thrown balls. You might say that I throw ball is a help to train control my strength, and I will agree to that... I dun mind picking balls, but I juz wish that I am given a chance to participate and play, and learn at the same time, but when they play match, I didn't get to play. It is like once he came, I haven't been doing anyting that can make me sweat. Sometimes I really find that playing games before training is better than training as I do not get to participate...
Thats Why I was not happy at all... I know myself and the situation I am in now... If by next year under 19 I dun improve and get to play in the matches, I will hardly get to play in 3 years. This might be the only chance where I can get to play, thats y I wanna improve and do my best now... but not only not getting to play during training, I got hit down by someones words...
When on the way to the MRT, I was walking with wallace, he said that my recieving and my skills have never improved since he saw me last time.... All along I was thinking that I have improved bit by bit, but when I heard that, I ws really depressed... Was I juz wasting time in the past months training??? I really duno... recently I find everyone is having such a cold attitude to me... And I felt that I am really useless and no one puts me in their eyes... Or is it that they find me irritating??
I really feel so hopeless and desperate without help now, and I can do noting about it... I dun wish that I will sit on the bench or even not on the bench for all 3 years... And if this goes on, I can hardly get any experience and if wad wallace says is true, I can never get to play as a player of a team... I am now so desperate to improve myself, and yet getting to hear a news that I havent been improvin since I first started playing... Looking at people getting to play, but not putting in the full effort, I sometimes sure feel angry...